6-year-old demoted from being flower girl in aunt’s wedding per in-law’s demands, mother insists she’s in the wedding, leading to sisterly dispute: “Keep your promises or we’re not coming”

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jan 13, 2025 12:00 PM EST

Being the flower girl in a wedding is such a wholesome and adorable role. I remember being a flower girl for a few weddings, once when I was around 4, and again when I was around 10. It's so exciting to feel like you're contributing to the wedding, that you have a small piece of spotlight, and to wear a beautiful dress throwing petals all over the aisle. The origin of flower girls dates back to Greek and Roman times, when marriage between two people had less to do with love and more to do with political logistics. The flower girl was a symbol of the prosperity of the couple, their success and fertility, and that they will have a child of their own. These days, no one is usually too connected to the meaning behind them, other than it being attached to tradition. 

In the story below, the protagonist has a young daughter who was promised to be the flower girl at her sister's wedding. Her daughter is immensely excited and has been bringing it up to the protagonist. To both of their disappointments, the sister getting married decides to revoke her role as flower girl in favor of her husband's family.

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  • 01

    AITA for refusing to attend my sister's wedding after she didn't include my daughter as a flower girl?

    "You're being unreasonable"
    via capecodphoto from Getty Images Signature / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    So, I (28F) have a sister, "Clara" (32F), who's getting married in a few months. We've always been close, but things have gotten complicated since she started planning her wedding.
    via u/Laian_Lilt
  • 03
    Cheezburger Image 10453857024
    via chee gin tan from Getty Images Signature / Canva
  • 04
    A bit of backstory: I have a daughter, "Lily" (6), who adores Clara. Clara initially told Lily she could be a flower girl, and Lily has been excitedly talking about her "big role" at the wedding ever since. However, last week, Clara called me to say that she changed her mind. She decided
    via u/Laian_Lilt

  • Okay, in my opinion the protagonist is in the wrong. Her sister is allowed to change her mind, and ultimately it's not the protagonist's wedding. She's being entitled and can't force her sister. 

  • 05
    to have only her fiancé's nieces as flower girls because they are from a very traditional family, and having them included would please his family.
    via u/Laian_Lilt
  • 06
    I tried to explain how much this meant to Lily and that she was really looking forward to it. Lily was already feeling part of the day and had even started calling it "our wedding" whenever she talked about it.
    via u/Laian_Lilt
  • 07
    Cheezburger Image 10453856768
    via IOFOTO

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 08
    Clara said she felt really bad but her future in-laws were very insistent, and it would make things smoother for the family dynamics. I got upset and told Clara that if Lily isn't included as she promised, then neither of us will attend the wedding.
    via u/Laian_Lilt
  • 09
    Now, Clara is upset, saying I'm being unreasonable and using Lily to manipulate her decision. My parents think I should just let it go and not miss Clara's big day over something like this. I feel torn because while I don't want to miss my sister's wedding, I also don't want to teach Lily that it's okay for people to break their promises to her.
    via u/Laian_Lilt

  • I think this could be a good life lesson for her daughter, that yes, people sometimes don't keep their promises. If the message is supposed to be “people always keep their promises,” or “people should always keep their promises,” then she is not giving her daughter a very good life lesson. 

  • 10
    So, Reddit, AITA for refusing to go to the wedding if Lily isn't a flower girl?
    via u/Laian_Lilt
  • 11
    UniqueMark4192 From the title I was going to say Y TA bc, you can't demand anything from someone else's wedding. But your sister TOLD her she could be in it. Not only that what exactly does "a traditional family" mean?
    via u/UniqueMark4192
  • 12
    Are you a lesbian and that's why they don't want her there? Are you divorced or had her "out of wedlock" and they're anti-single mothers? Or they just ONLY care about their family? NTA big time
    via u/UniqueMark4192
  • 13
    Tipsy-boo NTA Traditionally the brides entourage comes from the brides side of the family- and the grooms from his. So what tradition.
    via u/Tipsy-boo
  • 14
    And if she wanted to she could just have all the nieces as flower girls. I went to a lovely wedding where every child under ten was a flower child. Thats not for everyone but it was lovely for that particular wedding.
    via u/Tipsy-boo
  • 15
    Sweet_Shainna NTA. Promises, especially to kids, shouldn't be taken lightly. Lily was looking forward to this, and it's tough explaining to a child why they're suddenly not included. It's not just about the wedding; it's about keeping your word.
    via u/Sweet_Shainna
  • 16
    corvus_corone_cor... Why can't she have an additional flower girl, why not Lily AND the nieces? Ask her why adding the nieces means excluding Lily! That is stupid! She shouldn't have promised Lily could be flower girl if she doesn't
    via u/corvus_corone_cor
  • 17
    mean to go through with it. That is so mean!
    via u/corvus_corone_cor
  • 18
    Trailsya NTA Your dumb sister is going to regret marrying into that family where she has no say and they will control her.
    via u/Trailsya
  • 19
    Good for your sticking up for your daughter
    via u/Trailsya
  • 20
    writing_mm_roma... An easy compromise for your sister would have been to have two flower girls, one from each side. It doesn't cost anything extra really.
    via u/writing_mm_roma
  • 21
    sassybabybabe If Clara wanted to avoid family drama, she should have just hired a pet goldfish as the flower girl. At least they wouldn't have to worry about breaking promises or family politics.
    via u/sassybabybabe
  • 22
    Beautiful-Story2811 I feel as if there are some missing details here. Is your sister an AH for going back on her promise to your daughter? YEP. Are you the AH for being upset over it? NOPE. But what's this whole... 'they are from a very
    via u/Beautiful-Story2811
  • 23
    traditional family and having them included would please his family.' ??? | smell a rat. Are you a single parent? Is Lily adopted? Is Lily Bi- racial? Are you gay? Why can't they ALL be flower girls??? The math ain't mathin'.
    via u/Beautiful-Story2811
  • 24
    nikki_redGND NTA. Why can't Lily still be a flower girl? Wouldn't it be nice to incorporate both families? Why her fiancé family trumps over her own niece?
    via u/nikki_redGND

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flower girl family drama drama sisters siblings family feud relationships wedding lol love family reddit thread Reddit funny dating
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